Last night I was on facebook before I went to bed, and my homepage was FULL of status updates and new photos of the new school year about to begin in Caronport. It made my heart squeeze and I closed the computer quickly and went to bed and layed down and cried. It is SO hard to see how happy everyone is to be back, when I am so far away and just want to be there. I miss my apartment that we had decorated so cute (our first home together!) and I miss having my best friend in the entire world 30 feet away, and all I had to do was run out my front door and cross the street and I would be in her room. I miss going to a church where I knew everyone and the pastor was a good friend and mentor of mine. I miss going to dinner every tuesday with a family that loves us, and babysitting for the girls that we adore! I miss going to classes and having my mind opened, and going to chapel and being challenged. I miss Youth Quake, and being involved with such a great event, and all the work days, and my team. I just miss the quirkiness of a crazy small town where pedestrians always have the right away, even if they are walking down the middle of the road. I even miss Jon having all the "boys" over to wach canucks games while I baked them cookies in the kitchen. I miss playing games with our other "married" couple friends! I even miss the three hour drive to Medicine Hat, because three hours (which always seemed like such a long, boring drive) is close enough to go home to my mom when I needed her, or when she needed me. Basically, I miss the place that was our home for so many years. I miss being so close to people who love me and know what I'm talking about when I say the name "Leismeister" (how weird that there are people who look at me blankly when I say it!). I just miss having a home that feels homey and comfortable - even my mom just moved houses, and its weird to think that even if I went "home" to medicine hat, I would have NO idea where home is, because its somewhere I have never been. I just feel a bit out of sorts, and like maybe I don't really have anywhere to belong.
BC is slowly starting to feel like home - the other day we went on a MASSIVE shopping trip and filled our fridge and cupboards with food for the first time! (camp until now has been paying for our food, because we were on summer staff). Having our own food makes our house feel like a home. And I LOVE LOVE LOVE being so close Lampard's (luke, care and makenna are here for the long weekend, and it is so wonderful to be close enough to have them!), but we are still an hour and half away from them. We live in the middle of nowhere, and now that camp is over, its so deserted! I know its just a learning curve, and an adjustment, but for this moment right now, I wish I was in a place that is comforting and feels like home, than in a new place where we are starting over!!
But I know that with time, my achiness to be there will fade, and I will come to love this home just as much. I also know that wherever Jon is is where my home is and as long as we are together, I can live anywhere! Time heals all things, right?
man great post. home isn't a building or even really a place, its where your friends and family are. I imagine its tough not being here, and to tell ya the truth its tough not having you here! i walk by your old place all the time and remember so many great times! i sat on your old futon yesterday and used your sweet table you got from the golden age center and a tear came to my eye! Caronport misses you too Mel!
ReplyDeletetheres never anything wrong with mourning over our past experiences and memories good and bad, but we can not stay there. God gives us times of joy and struggle. he blessed you with four amazing years at an amazing place, and now he has given you a new place that he is calling your attention and dedication to. for how long? who knows! but your there now and your going to be amazing at youth work and camp work! so for the time being remember the past, laugh and cry over the "old days" but never lose focus on what you have right now, you might miss something amazing!
-bent ;)
I love you, I love you, I love you!!! This blog is so great. I know it takes a long time for a new place to feel like home - especially when the place your coming from is close to your heart! It's ok to hurt, just guard your heart from bitterness. Know that God has so much to teach you in this new season of life and will continue to challenge you as well. I pray that God will keep your heart soft and open to what He is trying to tell you and the new ways He is trying to communicate with you.
ReplyDeletePerhaps this is your season to "be still and know that He is God". A hard thing for someone who loves to be going mach 3 with hair on fire - but it is equally important to know when to slow down, refresh, refill and rest... the most amazing growth can happen in these times when we become quiet enough to hear everything God is trying to say.